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Our Rules of Food According To Us

Food Rules

This is a dynamic list.  Rules are subject to change at anytime without notice. 

Suggestions welcomed but potentially disagreed with and/or ignored.  Discuss!


1. Food should only bring joy.  The best way to make a friend is to share a meal with them.

2. Food is meant to be shared.  It's ok to eat off someone else's plate, but make sure to ask first

3. Food fights are funny, fights about food are not.

4.Everything is better with red wine, especially dark chocolate.

5. Parmesan is the most useful cheese.  You could put it on underwear and it would make it taste good (Thanks, Uncle Stu)

6. Pineapple turns pizza into flatbread.  Hawaiian pizza makes about as much sense as Turkish Matzoh Balls.

7. Buffalo wings + blue cheese = never ranch.

8. Tilapia is not a nice piece of fish.  It's bad for you, a bottom feeder and should never be served in any good restaurant

9. All restaurants should have at least one eight person round table for maximum group conversation.

10. Do not go to any restaurant not named after the chef, or the chef's mother.  (Examples to Avoid: Pastamania by Hulk Hogan, Flavor Flav's Fried Chicken, Carrot Top's Vegan House of Pancakes)

11. The full menu should always be available at the bar.

12. A pizza place should be judged by their plain cheese slice.

13. A bagel place should be judged by their untoasted garlic bagel with salted butter.

14. There is no k in crab and krab should never be in good sushi.  It's mostly random fish and filler with red coloring.

15. Truffles are a thing. Oil is a thing. Truffle salt? Thing. Truffle oil is not a thing.

16. Pho is better medicine than chicken soup.  Sorry Grandma.

17. Onion Dip should be at every dinner party, only consist of sour cream and onion soup mix and served solely with Ruffles.

18. The word "delicacy" just means "we don't want to waste any part of the animal so eat this weird leftover meat thing."

19. Food and politics do not mix.  You can discuss politics over food, but you should never politicize an eating establishment. 

20. Greek salad is the best "common" salad.  Now will Sweetgreen PLEASE open up in SWFL!

21. Live music while dining can be lovely when it's an acoustic guitar, piano, a trio, etc.  It's not lovely when it's a random dude doing what's basically karaoke with backing tracks doing the Sounds of the 70s and the latest Bruno Mars hits. 


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